It probably isn’t productive to start a post about positivity on a negative tone…but this is disheartening:

If you are reading this blog, you are probably ‘net savvy enough to be familiar with the social networking site, Facebook.  Kind of like a “Twitter” message, Facebook users are able to set their “status” on their profile, displaying a message viewable to their “friend network.”  Not to long ago, Facebook installed a “Like” button for users to utilize when they approved of a friend’s status message.  Shortly after, the call for a “Dislike” button arose.  As illustrated above, the “Dislike” movement is vast and strong.  The opposition toward the “Dislike” button is depressingly small.  (Maybe because the positive people are so optimistic that they don’t even dislike disliking!)

As is obvious through this simple example, negativity abounds in our world.  Aside from the constant barrage of negative news in the media, how often do you hear the following phrases in your everyday life? 

• I never win. 
• Why me? 
• I hate [Mondays.] 
• Just my luck…go figure…or typical…followed by eye rolling.
• What’s the point?
• Life’s a bitch.
• You can’t change the world.

How often have you used these phrases in everyday life?  Negative thought patterns can easily and unknowingly become habits and addictions. I believe that people who are labeled pessimists, cynics, even “Debbie downers” have, probably unconsciously, slipped into the “easy” habit of negativity.  Rather than thinking outside the “disparaging box,” they are so used to the negativity that it becomes the norm, accepted, and comfortable.  It’s all they see. 

That is why I think it is vital to recognize that positivity needs to be PRACTICED.  Hopefully with continued implementation, a positive outlook and attitude might become automatic.  Because of the fall of man, evil has become human nature, and is often easier to fall into.  Goodness, kindness, positivity needs a little more work to keep strong. 

How can you practice positivity?  Chris Melton who blogs at Soupornuts.com has some great musings on the negativity/positivity subject.  In an article about negativity, he says, “We are the product of the things that we think about.  How we think and what we think, about ourselves as well as others, becomes obvious when we begin to examine the things we do and the way we talk.”  Melton challenges, “Eliminate the negativity from your speech and watch your life change.”   

I agree.  So the practice is to think before we speak.  Before you open your mouth (or type your “status”), decide if what you are saying is purposeful.  Who/what will benefit from talking negative?  Now, we can probably distinguish between talking about negative things in a constructive manner versus talking negatively.  Talking negative can also be called bitching, pissing and moaning, complaining, whining, fault-finding, nit-picking, ranting, raging, criticizing…(thank you MSWORD thesaurus!)  Sometimes we might be fooled into the belief that this kind of negative talk will make us feel better.  Yes, initially it probably feels good to let off steam.  Sure, I sort of enjoyed ranting about that STUPID teenager on his DAMN cell phone that cut me off at the intersection.  But after “coming down” from the high of anger, I just felt bad.  That kid cut me off, I got mad, and now I’m making other people angry about it by ranting, and the negative energy is just multiplying into the world!  Two negatives don’t make a positive.  (Right, John?)  I should have stopped to think about the effect and the point of my negative tirade.  It did not benefit anyone, the people listening to my story, who were until that time, at peace, became irked.  The teenager is still on his cell phone somewhere not paying attention.  I should have shrugged it off, reset my focus and energy to something constructive, and prayed.

Here is a successful exercise of positive speech I practiced recently.  At the grocery store the other evening, I was offered the chance to sign up for a raffle.  “No thanks,” I replied.  “Someone else can win, I don’t need the [prize].”  The clerk laughed and said, “That was a lot better than saying, ‘I never win anyways.’”  I smiled and told her that was really my first thought, but I was practicing positivity.  Don’t laugh, I really said that.  It’s all about the practice.  And you know what?  She loved it and stepped up to the positive practice challenge! 

So talk pretty!   Instead of “Ugh it’s raining again!”  How about “The grass is loving this!”  Or maybe “Hamsters seem to like their wheels…” instead of “I’m sick of this rat race!” 

Another facet of positive speaking is how we speak to and about ourselves.  As a yoga instructor, I can’t fathom the amount of times I’ve heard people say, “I have a bad [fill in body part here.”  I’ve said it myself regarding my back.  If we keep telling our body and health that it is flawed, substandard, poor, shoddy, or pitiable, how will we ever accept healing?  For example, I rarely will state that I “have” an eating disorder.  Rather, I am recovering or healing from an eating disorder.  The latter phrase gives a positive direction and hopeful outcome.  Instead of, “I’m stupid when it comes to that.”  Maybe, “That isn’t my strong area; however I do well at [insert strength here.]”  Maybe that sounds corny, but sometimes the practice needs to be that obvious! 

We all have occasions and feelings of self loathing.  But let me assure you, habitual negativity toward the self can lead to dangerous and horrible things, and at best makes life pretty depressing.  One of the first steps to quell self loathing is forgiveness for whatever you loath.  Change is hard, but doing it with love and pushing it with positivity is much smoother.   

So look in the mirror and say, “I love you.”  Pat yourself on the back when you succeed.  Learn from your mistakes but don’t beat yourself down, because it makes it that much harder to get back up.  And “up” is the place to be!

How else can we practice?  By surrounding ourselves with positive people.  There is a reason that parents worry over the influence of peers on their children…because negative influence can be very, well, influential!  No, I’m not saying cut cranky Aunt Maude out of your life, but this invites a further practice of positivity:  obnoxiously obvious positivity.  When you are bombarded with negativity from one or more sources that you really can’t “walk away” from…this is the cue to be MORE aware, and MORE positive. 

Have you ever been around someone who is normally constantly negative and tried to push positive on them?  Its fun.  They don’t know what to say when you don’t bitch along with them.  They look at you weird when you give positive counsel for their depressing diatribes.  The will ravel their negativity into various subjects to try to snare you, but you just keep smiling and offering kind words.  So the challenge becomes a game…where hopefully everybody will win!  You will feel great for staying positive, and the “negative Nancy” may just eventually latch on to your encouraging energy! 

Keep pushing positive practice with simple acts of kindness.  Do you feel gratitude for something?  Say it and pay it forward!  Tell that crabby Wal-Mart clerk you like his happy face pin.  Instead of whining that the handicapped person gets to park closer to the library, stop and help them out of their car.  Pick up that empty milk jug that blew out of the neighbors recycle bin.  Know you did a nice thing, and note how that makes you feel.  Remember you can keep this feeling if you keep practicing positivity!  PUSH IT!    

As you practice, you’ll begin to recognize that life wasn’t so bad after all.  All those heartening happenings you encounter as you employ positive practice were in your life all along, but maybe previously taken for granted. 

So I’d like to offer the challenge of actively, obviously, obnoxiously practicing positivity.  As we move into the holiday season, gathering with family and friends, hustling and bustling through our errands, maybe the temperature is dropping where you live…be that ray of sunshine for yourself and the world around you.  At first (negative) thought, maybe one person can’t change the world.  But we can change ourselves.  And the more selves that change for good…well, maybe that actually is changing the world.       

So how about it?  Will you accept the positivity challenge?  How do you (plan to) practice?

Here is some positivity on the web to get your practice going. 

• Caitlin at Operation Beautiful started a simple but profound movement to squash negative “fat talk” that often plagues women (or men!) looking in a mirror.  She describes, “I’ve begun leaving positive messages on the mirrors of public restrooms — at work, at the gym, at the grocery store.  I scribble down whatever comes to mind — “You are beautiful!” or “You are amazing just the way you are!””  Check it out, and participate!    
• The GMH (Gives me Hope) site was started for people to share with the world their most hopeful, uplifting moments and allow others to draw strength from their experiences.  Awesome!
• How about The Happiness Project?  I asked myself, “What do I want from life, anyway?” and I thought, “I want to be happy.” 
• Dr. Wayne Dyer’s daily inspirations.  Here was today’s:  “During any moment in which you’re experiencing thoughts that make you feel sick or bad, do your best to change them to thoughts that support the idea of feeling good. Refuse to talk about disease, and work to activate thoughts that predict recovery and overall well-being.”
• A lesson in positive Christian communication.
• And of course, there are the Facebook groups against the “Dislike” button…but I almost think that is a little negative too!  HAH!

Disclaimer:  I do NOT assert to be “Sally sunshine.”  (Cranky Clarebear?)  I’ve had more than anyone’s fair share of negative thoughts, words, and actions.  Feel free to ask Nathan for further confirmation.  Writing about this subject is as much a part of the practice for me as actually applying the skills.