July entered with little lamb Brody…

Flowed into fun with Shane, Jessi, Roux, and Felix…

Midmonth sizzled in style with baby Scarlett, Summer, and Piper…

Beat the heat with Charlotte and big sis Catherine…

Rounded out with Rylan and Mason.  I can’t believe Ry is a year old!  Remember when he was born?  For his birthday party, I made Peanut Butter Boy’s Double Peanut Butter Banana Cupcakes.  They were a big hit!

Finally, the month of July ended with a wedding I shot just yesterday.  The bride was a special woman I met at YogaFit Level 5 training back in June.  She was the one who helped sort myself out when I started exploring Nathan’s bodymind connections.  I am so blessed to have found connection with her!

Yoga consisted this month of my regular schedule…power vinyasa classes, “Go with the Flow” gentle vinyasa, and pre-natal yoga.  I kept crazy busy helping to sort out the fall yoga class schedule for the YMCA, and am excited (and anxious) to be able to offer more yoga in the fall.  Last week, I received this in the mail:

In addition, on a “whim” of divine inspiration, I signed up to train with the Holy Yoga program.  I start this week!  My classes had a bunch of yogi birthdays the celebrate this month…these two shared vinyasa and vodka after a Levee Park practice one evening!

On a personal level, July has been increasingly difficult, and the one big fat reason is STRESS.  Professionally, I had a steady portrait load this month, but added responsibilities with other photography jobs and loads of new clients wanting sessions.  I’m basically booked through 2011.  My yoga teaching schedule will change in the fall, which is exciting but anxiety inducing.  I’m so thrilled to be training with Holy Yoga, but it is going to take up a lot of time.  The thought of adding it into my schedule sends me into panic mode…almost…until I realize how close to God this is.  Of course, God will see me through anything.  But being that this is Holy Yoga…I know I can be extra mindful of surrendering the scheduling stress to Him and letting Him truly train me.  Anyways, July was also filled with various yoga related projects (stay tuned…) that kept me busy, as well as major relationship healing as Nathan and I visited our marriage counselor more frequently.  (The sessions alone are a time buster…2 hours of driving, 2 hours of counseling…and I’m often emotion/carsick by the time its over.  But the added “stress” comes with the extreme mindfulness that we both have to practice toward each other.  It is a good thing, but a lot more to have to focus on when there isn’t a lot of room left, if you know what I mean.) 

The culmination of July stress though happened yesterday with the wedding.  I don’t “do weddings.”  Even though I still do a few a year, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it, the anxiety kills me.  Since the day I book a wedding, I can’t escape.  I’ve felt trapped and unable to breathe.  I feel like I haven’t slept all month.  The wedding was almost 100 miles away, and from the second I got in my car at the end of the day I was sick the rest of the way home, almost throwing up.  My body just went on “auto” all month, all day, and finally last night, at the end of the month, the end of the wedding, it just stopped.  When I got home, I crawled out of my car and laid in the grass, where Nathan picked me up and brought me in the house.  I went to bed exhausted, but unable to sleep for the body pain.  Blarg!  So hard, but still, so rewarding…I’ll forget the anxiety and sickness and remember the happiness of the day (see above photos!!)

As the anxiety increased this month, so did my exercise.  As the exercise increased, the intake decreased.  I knew it.  I watched it happen.  I made the decisions.  I justified it because I haven’t lost weight.  I stared right at ED and accepted that this was my way of coping.  Is it right, healthy, good?  No.  Why did I do it?  I don’t know!  I just did, and I kept doing it.  All month long, and this past week was the worst. 

But today, August 1^st, I am hitting RESET.  (I hope.)  Instead of going to hot yoga today, I stayed in town and did a non-overkill workout at the YMCA, followed by the new yogadownload.com class in the park.  Although it was almost 90 degrees out, the breeze was beautiful and the sun was energizing.  I really liked the class, and even though I saw some people making fun of me by mocking the poses (Hello, I’m wearing sunglasses, I’m not BLIND?), I still felt very strong and confident and proud of myself. 

Moving into August and then the fall, my schedule and stress level is not going to let up, and I know I can’t continue coping the way I have.  So, even though I resorted to negative stress coping behaviors this month, I’ve done worse.  And I can only pick myself up (or let Nathan pick me up), dust off the grass clippings, and get my positivity on again.  And maybe eat a little more of this or this and do a little less of this. 

But mostly cultivate lots more of this…

Any big plans for August?  Maybe something with your free new Toe Sox?!